The Power of Forgiveness
Are you holding on to past hurt, anger, and resentment? Does the very thought of the perpetrator or the occurrence bring on feelings of anger, fear, resentment, or sadness? We all have had bad things happen to us. No one is immune to the tragedies of life. Some of us have experienced more severe events like violent crime, losing a child, molestation, war, or rape. The rest of us have experienced other types of hurt, perhaps not as horrendous, nevertheless painful.
No matter what the event, large or small, we are faced with a decision. What do we do with it? It is only logical that these events have caused us stress, and it is a scientific fact that stress is the major cause of dis-ease. It can cause a minor headache, heart attack, or even cancer, let alone freezing our life, which prohibits us from moving on. A single event in our past can virtually stop our lives. You may now say, “It wasn’t my fault,” and you would be absolutely correct. You may even say that you have dealt with it. If so, that’s great.
How did you deal with it? Counseling, therapy, talking to friends and loved ones, journaling, and prayer are wonderful. Or perhaps you felt shame or guilt and just “stuffed it” and told yourself to go on? Did you truly forgive? Was your forgiveness complete? If so, reading this article will not cause any old emotions to surface, flashbacks to the event with negative feelings attached. You are truly free and have moved on, and that’s great.
If you haven’t truly forgiven and let it go, you could be experiencing physical symptoms that are a result of the negative experience. Perhaps your physical ailment has a connection with the physical or emotional trauma? As an example, I know of a man that was sexually molested as a very young child by a close family friend. Being so young, under 5, he told his parents, going against the instructions of the offender. His parents refused to believe him. As a result of this experience, the man grew up with several problems. He had a plethora of life problems as a result. He had sexual problems, self-esteem problems, and relationship problems that were a result of this occurrence at an age too young to be rationalized by his mind.
In addition, he had health problems that were a result of seeking love, because he felt he wasn’t loveable. After all, if his parents, who said they loved him, didn’t believe him, he must not be worthy. Further, he had spiritual problems because, why would God do this to a little boy?
He sought treatment as an adult. He saw therapists, practiced journaling, talked to close friends, and prayed. He forgave the offender and his parents, but it was always there, ready to rise up to haunt. All this helped, but nothing really took it away. What finally worked for him was being taught how to forgive his own self. Forgive himself?
Why would the innocent victim have to forgive himself? As a child he did no wrong! He did exactly what you would want your child to do – tell his parents. The wrong was done as an adult. He held onto the experience and in many ways stopped all progress in his life. He didn’t forgive himself for continuing to punish himself, long after the incident, and even the death of the perpetrator. When the victim turned his problem over to his Higher Power (God), he not only forgave the offenders, but, forgave himself. He became free. The experience no longer controlled his life. He truly experienced forgiveness.
What exactly is forgiveness? The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as “to grant free pardon and give up all claim on account of an offence or debt.” Forgiveness is for giving. It is a gift that you give which has the power to heal body, mind, and spirit. It can relieve pain, mend broken relationships, and release stress that has been proven to cause dis-ease. The act of forgiveness has been in existence as long as mankind has been on this earth.
Most people’s experience with forgiveness comes from their childhood. We were instructed to say we were sorry for our errors, like taking a cookie when we were told not to, or when we struck out at our brothers, sisters or playmates with physical force. Not always was our request for forgiveness (saying I’m sorry) sincere.
Perhaps as adults we continue this lack of sincerity in our apologies, saying “I’m sorry” just to keep the peace or get out of a tough situation. I am not saying that we shouldn’t apologize for our errors, but we should not take forgiveness lightly. Forgiveness, to me, comes from God. It is a gift from Him that was given with love to us. It is a gift that was intended to be given to all. It doesn’t matter what religion you are. My research has not found a religion that doesn’t at some point accept forgiveness as an important part of it.
The most important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it is a two-way street. I believe that you cannot give away what you do not possess. Forgive yourself, and then forgive the offender. Free your Spirit, your mind, and your body. Love cannot exist where fear, anger, and resentment live. Be Happy! Be Free! Forgive.
Robert Resewehr is an ordained non-denominational minister, Certified Hypnotherapist and retired educator who has instructed all levels, from severely disabled preschoolers to college level instruction and administration; holds two Masters degrees, one in counseling, and one in Special Education. He is a published writer, special education advocate, and has a limited private practice devoted to helping people solve their anger and Spiritual life path problems. Call 951-764-1667.