More Time Connecting Means Less Time Correcting
Determine Your Parental Influence

By Michael J. Merchant,
ANASAZI Foundation

Today, more than ever, our children are faced with many unseen pressures.  One of the most powerful and lasting ways we can anchor our children is by simply taking time to talk with them.  As parents, we too often allow the distractions of life to keep us from communicating with our children. Research shows, however, it is the single most effective intervention in influencing our children to make responsible choices and preventing them from making at-risk choices. 

For example, children who report having conversations with their parents about the dangers of drugs and alcohol are 54% less likely to ever try drugs and alcohol as teens.  And, teens that do not try drugs are likely to never use drugs as adults.

Your ability to help things go right for your child is determined by how often you connect with your child and openly share concerns, struggles and successes with one another.  Use the questionnaire and tips below to evaluate and strengthen your parental influence.

Parental Influence Questionnaire

Note:  Think of one child when completing the following questionnaire:

1.  My child comes to me when he/she has done something wrong.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

2.  My child shares his/her goals and interests with me.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

3.  My child and I enjoy a hobby or activity together.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

4.  My child asks me for help.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

5.  My child talks with me when hurting (physically or emotionally).

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

6.  My child tells me about his/her friends?

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

7.  When receiving correction, my child is receptive and teachable.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

8.  My child is interested in my opinion.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

9.  My child participates in family activities.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

10.  My child shares his/her struggles with me.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

11.  My child informs me when his/her plans change.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

12.  My child welcomes my affection.

  Never              1          2          3          4          5          6          7          8          9          10  Frequently

Scoring the Questionnaire

 Calculate your Score __________

> 84

If your score is greater than 84, chances are you are connecting with your child frequently and are having a great deal of positive influence in your child’s life.  Continue to find ways to spend quality and frequent time with your child.

60-84

If your score is between 60 and 84, spend less time correcting and focus on finding ways to increase the frequency and the quality of the time you spend with your child. 

48-59

If your score is between 48 and 59, spend less time correcting and focus on finding ways to increase the frequency and the quality of the time you spend with your child—and ask for help.  Invite your child’s favorite coach, teacher, relative or neighbor to spend frequent, quality time with your child.   

< 48
If your score is less than 48, seek an outside intervention for you and your child (i.e., counseling, groups and/or treatment program—depending upon the degree of at-risk choices your child is making) to help heal and strengthen the parent-child relationship.

Note:  Take this survey again in 60 days to see if you have made any improvement.    

Parents can learn more about programs and best practices through the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (www.natsap.org) and the Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Industry Council (www.obhic.com).

Michael J. Merchant is president and executive director of ANASAZI Foundation, a non-profit and nationally accredited outdoor behavioral healthcare provider (see www.anasazi.org). He serves as a board member of the National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (www.natsap.org), chairman of the Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare Research Cooperative (www.obhrc.org) and is a frequent lecturer on standards of care and the importance of effective parent-child communication.  Mr. Merchant has chaired numerous councils and committees focused on best practices for adolescent behavioral healthcare providers.  In 2004, he developed the communication component at the heart of the Emmy-nominated “Take the Time to Talk” substance-abuse awareness and prevention campaign.