Healthy Times Ahead…

Things often turn out well.

Last month I attended a friend’s birthday party. I took four of my kids with me.  Sara (8) was among them.

At one point during the evening I was sitting with a group of 8-10 adult acquaintances. Several kids were playing sword fighting on the lawn. The adults were sitting around making light conversation and egging the kids on.  From the middle of a play battle, Sara turned to me and said, “Are you sad that you and mom got a divorce?”  It’s been a year and the divorce was recently finalized.

“Not anymore”, I replied very cooly to Sara.  Sara and I have now captured everyone’s attention. In the moment I say this I feel a “pang” of dull sadness.  The loss of a dream flashes across my mind….and the pain and confusion that my kids went through.

Sara gave me  “once over” as she was looking at me.  She then said, “Are you sure?  Your eyes just started to tear up a little.” 

Now I’m slightly embarrassed and want to “end” this moment.  But I was also really impressed with Sara.  I confessed to Sara and the onlookers, “Yes, I am still sad sometimes”.  Sara tilted her head and gave me a knowing nod.  Then she immediately resumed her battle.

Later that night my friend, Joe, and I were talking out on the back porch.  Sara came out to see what we were up to.  I took the opportunity to tell Sara that I thought she made a very good read on me...that I thought she was paying close attention to what I was doing and was very accurate in her thinking about what was happening with me.  Sara responded to that by stating that she can often tell “what is going on with people” by watching them.

I told her I thought that was a gift. Sara took this comment in stride...perhaps brightening somewhat.  I think she agreed.

And I patted myself gently on the back.  There are so many things I might have said to alienate my daughter from her experience of her world.  I could have denied that I was sad.  I could have brushed her off somehow...told her to stick to sword fighting. I could have ignored her.  I could have gotten upset and lectured her later not to embarrass me like that.  I’ve witnessed parents do all these things when their kids do something brilliant. 

I hope I encouraged Sara to appreciate and trust her perceptions of what is going on around her. Sara and I now have a significant opportunity to develop our relationship.  I’m excited to watch Sara and find out how often she displays her gift. I also want to look for opportunities to quiz Sara on what she thinks is going on in various situations that come up.  We can people-watch together. 

I told myself that this was a “parenting win”...and that these little “wins” are what really matter over time.  Who knows? But I feel good anyway.

May we all look for those little wins that make life so sweet…….