The Disconnected Couple: Survival Skills For Turbulent Times
By Polly Lunetto

As couples face today’s economic turbulence, they are also experiencing the trickle-down effect of relationship difficulties. It’s no secret that the top reasons for separation and divorce in our country are money and lack of communication. Some would say infidelity is the biggest culprit but I feel that this is a byproduct of the couple’s inability to communicate honestly.

When we use the word “survival” in the realm of relationships, at first it seems far too extreme. But many are facing an economic crisis. Special skills are needed for their relationship to survive. Relationships were meant to be built on a strong foundation. Over time, however, lack of communication can create cracks, which weaken the strength of this foundation. In times like these, couples seem to get stuck in their own thoughts, beliefs and emotions and slowly begin to disconnect from each other without even realizing it.

Women will often fall into “panic mode” and their focus may be on fear, need and insecurity. A woman may find herself taking short, shallow breaths or even holding her breath, which is often followed by panic and anxiety. Perhaps she escapes through excessive interaction with the kids, busywork, depression or overuse of certain medications.

Men more often than not go into “survival mode.” They may take on more responsibilities at work and work harder than before in order to maintain the family’s material possessions. Men tend to suffer silently from feelings of guilt, shame, resentment, anger and inadequacy. These feelings often cause an unintentional disconnect from their companions.

As some of you may know, I am a hospice volunteer. I have been blessed with opportunities to hear the perspectives of the dying. One man in particular made me reassess my own life. He said, “I worked my butt off the whole time I was young. I never thought of taking care of myself because I never saw myself getting old. I was gone from my family for weeks at a time working to make a good life for my wife and kids. And in the end – I’m still dying!”  I saw the disappointment in this man’s eyes and the feelings of regret. His words made me re-evaluate my own priorities.

Here are some survival skills that can help you rebuild your relationship. These are techniques or actions you and your significant other can use to strengthen your bond.

I call this the “releasement ceremony.”

1. First and foremost, the two of you must come from a conscious place of wanting to rebuild honestly and completely, agreeing to verbally communicate at all times.
2. Set some time aside, at least two hours.
3. Light some candles or incense. This helps purify the energy you’ll be releasing.
4. Have soft, meditative music playing in the background. 
5. Take a few slow, deep breaths and think of the negative or distorted emotions, thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself.
6. Be willing to let go of them and forgive yourself.
7. Write down everything that comes to mind on several pieces of paper. This will undoubtedly prompt all sorts of emotions. Be willing to feel and release them.
8. Take your writings and read them to yourself from beginning to end, knowing it is now time to say goodbye to them.
9. The last step is a matter of personal choice. You may tear the writings up into tiny pieces and flush them down the toilet or you make choose to take them outside and burn them in a safe container. Whichever way you decide, this is the final action by your former self and your first step as a new person.
10. When you have both finished the ceremony, go out for a celebratory dinner and know that love and family are priceless. 

Daily affirmation: I am abundantly blessed in all areas of my life.

Polly Lunetto is an intuitive life coach. She understands what you are saying and more importantly, what you aren’t saying. Lunetto can also assist you with energetic, vibrational and shamanic healing. She holds a master’s degree in counseling psychology and has a wealth of experience in human behavior and uncovering issues that lead to spiritual imbalance and illness.