Anasazi
What does it mean to be a man or woman- not just legally, but ethically, emotionally, and spiritually? How does a young person today come of age in our fast-paced, info-overloaded, materialistic, and highly technical American culture? And most importantly, what role do adults play in helping boys and girls assume the mantle of adulthood?
For conscientious parents of teenagers, these are unavoidable questions, often with unclear answers. Whether we like it or not, our teenagers are on their way toward adulthood and are making choices of their own. Some of their choices can throw us so far out of our comfort zone that life takes on a surreal quality and we are left wondering where to turn for help.
In our desire to promote non-profit organizations that make singular contributions to the world, in this issue of Healthy Times we proudly feature the Anasazi Foundation. Endorsed by celebrities like former NFL quarterbacks Bart Starr and Steve Young, as well as Stephen R. Covey and former First Lady Barbara Bush, Anasazi takes kids on a 42-day journey through the wilderness, teaching them the primitive ways of the ancient Anasazi Indians, in a quest to live in harmony with the Great Creator, nature, others and themselves.
Since my son, David, was a small boy, I told him about the wilderness trek he would take one day with Anasazi, when he was old enough to endure some of the trials the Arizona desert would provide. At 15, David was indeed ready to move on to the next level of personal responsibility. He was also in need of some time away from distractions in order to ponder his life and the direction he wanted to go.
What is it about the teen years that present so many challenges to parents of even the most responsible kids? In basic developmental theory, human beings are inherently self-centered at birth, and it is initially through this "narcissism" that we learn about ourselves and the world by constantly probing limits. But sometime during adolescence, it all changes—at least it's supposed to.
Margaret Mead's Coming of Age in Samoa pointed out that all children, regardless of ethnic milieu, come to a watershed moment during the teenage years when they begin looking beyond themselves. In a very real sense, they awaken to the rest of society. This awakening is a time to celebrate their gifts, look for ways to fit into their community, and grapple with how to make the world a better place.
Adolescence is a delicate time, far more tender, in some ways, than early childhood. Having grown beyond the world of small children, yet still excluded from the world of adults, many of today’s teens tend to band together with peers in an alternate society, counter to the rest of the culture. Often parents view this stage in their children’s lives as if it were an extended period of sickness, to be endured with much complaining on all sides until it (hopefully) passes.
Some researchers point to physiological phenomena that make the teen years so complex. According to Sara Goudarzi, staff writer for LiveScience.com:
If you ever sense teenagers are not taking your feelings into account, it's probably because they're just incapable of doing so. The area of the brain associated with higher-level thinking, empathy, and guilt is underused by teenagers, reports a new study. When considering an action, the teenage medial prefrontal cortex, located in front of the brain, doesn't get as much action as adults.
“Quite a bit of research has been done on adolescent brain development in the last five years,” said Alfred Dodini, PhD, Clinical Director at Anasazi. “Even though kids may look like adults, they lack the big picture and can’t necessarily see the future consequences of their actions or delay gratification. Those dots simply aren’t connecting physiologically. This may be why adolescent suicide is so common; they get dumped by their girlfriend, for example, and can’t imagine that anyone will ever love them again.”
Alfred’s comments are confirmed by the Harvard Mental Health Letter, which has the following to say:
Although many teens have fairly advanced intellectual and reasoning ability, recent research has shown that human brain circuitry is not mature until the early 20s. Among the last connections to be fully established are the links between the prefrontal cortex — the seat of judgment and problem-solving — and the emotional centers of the brain. These links are crucial to emotional learning and high-level self-regulation.
Alfred continued, “This is why lecturing teenagers doesn’t help. However, they don't need to conceptualize the consequences of their choices on the trail. Nature provides immediate consequences for their actions, or lack thereof, and kids learn directly through their own experience.”
On the cusp of reaching beyond their developmental narcissism, inhibited by still-developing brain physiology, teens strive to find a place for themselves, making critical choices, unaware of how those choices will affect them for the rest of their lives. Add to this a chaotic family dynamic and a culture bent of self-centeredness and you have a recipe to create exactly the kinds of challenges parents and their teens face today.
Is it not imperative that we do everything in our power to give our kids experiences that will guide them through this critical phase of their life? How can we have a relationship with them in which we encourage and invite them to join the ranks of responsible adults and offer their gifts to society as they are capable, rather than persist in less than mature ways?
In our experience, the Anasazi Foundation is a unique resource for parents who need a little extra help inviting their children to take the path toward becoming an adult. I spoke with the Anasazi CEO, Mike Marchant, who was very clear that Anasazi is not a boot camp or behavior modification program. “To us, the wilderness is not a place to break kids down and rebuild them. It’s a quiet place, away from the distractions of the world, where kids can ponder their life anew and create a new beginning for themselves,” said Mike. “We hire the kind of staff that sees and encourages seeds of greatness in each child and can offer hope, without all the labels and judgments.”
Anasazi Co-founder, Ezekiel Sanchez, explained to me, “We don't take a traditional therapeutic approach – in fact, it’s the opposite. We don’t look at a child’s history and label them. We look at their history to learn from it, and then focus on the here and now in an effort to help them become who they are meant to be.”
To explain a little more about Anasazi’s philosophy, Ezekiel wrote the following:
Because of the position we hold as “helpers” on this earth, we have a sacred and delicate responsibility to care for those entrusted to us. At Anasazi we have determined that this sacred responsibility cannot be carried out with effectiveness unless the ingredient called love is found in our hearts. Love is what keeps us awake during dark hours of the night asking for light to give others. Love makes sacrifice a worthwhile guest.
From out of the blue, to you and I, the cry for help comes from all directions. At times when the cry from others is pressing upon my soul, I reach into my heart searching. When I finally emerge, the conclusion is the same. I rediscover the principle that my soul is interwoven with the souls of those I associate. We are in this together. How I came to this conclusion has been an ongoing process of a lifetime. The learning to sacrifice for others did not come easily.
At ANASAZI, the children come first. We come second. To free themselves from worldly cares, I counsel our staff to "drop their burdens at the gate" and tend to the needs of the Young Walkers on the trail. We strive to remind ourselves that the ANASAZI Way is not to change the behavior of the Young Walker or the Parents, but to provide opportunities for the heart to be touched, so the change can come willingly from the "one who stands within." Then a change of heart, like clear water, will flow without compulsion.
We believe in the Making of a Trusting with each Young Walker. This is done by respecting and protecting each person's agency and dignity. We feel that each child is a person of worth and is inherently good. From the first moments on the trail this is exemplified without intimidations. Those who are untrustworthy at first soon soften to trust and love, then quietly cease their backward walking.?
We believe the wilderness is not a harsh place to be conquered, but a place in which each Young Walker may walk in harmony with others and his/her surroundings. Though trail life is hard and nature demands the very best from a person, it is not adversarial, nor is it cruel. The leaders and the Young Walkers walk side by side through the challenges and difficulties of life in the wilderness. It is a quiet walking which grants time to think and ponder, without the need for contrived experiences and high adventures. Introspection and spiritual promptings are natural and forthcoming when hearts are open and willing. Thus, Young Walkers may, themselves, find a true awakening to things as they really are and make inspired, firm commitments to so live.?
We believe all the Young Walkers respond to patient love and that the principles taught by the Creator provide ample opportunities for the growth of love and respect between all peoples. We, therefore, strive to exemplify those principles daily on the trail by patiently waiting upon each Young Walker to respond to their own awakenings and the good teachings of the ANASAZI Way. We strive to not judge, nor manipulate, nor reject people in any way.
What did Anasazi do for my Young Walker, David? Ultimately, that question is not mine to answer. I did, however, have the opportunity to be present during the final three days of David’s wilderness experience. During those three days, David showed off his new survival skills, taking care of me in countless ways; making sure I was warm and well-fed, showing me how to build a shelter, how to start a fire without matches - showing me how to stay warmer at night and even which leaves were best to use as a substitute for toilet paper (Juniper works well and even has an anti-bacterial quality, but I’ll spare you the rest of that story).
Never before had I seen David in such a way; patient, thoughtful, well-grounded and so very competent. As I listened to his stories of the previous 42 days, I couldn’t imagine what could possibly compare to this experience on the trail, where sometimes angry, sometimes anxious, and always wide-eyed children enter and solid young men return.
David told me after we arrived home, “I learned that everyone – no matter who you are – can use some time in the wilderness. I’ve also learned that if you have patience and take things one step at a time, you can accomplish anything.”
As I sat around the campfire with David and two of his peers and their parents on their last day in the wilderness, David shared the following, “It’s been a crazy six weeks. I’ve accomplished some things out here that I would have never thought possible before. But mostly, before I came to Anasazi, I thought my family didn't care about me. Through my experiences on the trail and through the letters we’ve written back and forth, I’ve realized that they do care, and I care about them.”
Simple words, spoken from the heart, have power to change the course of lives.
The Anasazi Foundation celebrates their 20th Anniversary in 2008. They can be found at www.anasazi.org.
Mike Bundrant, aka Pondering Elk, can be reached at 951-492-9500.
Suggested Reading: The Anatomy of Peace, by The Arbinger Institute